I was molested as a child, so I am well acquainted with this arena: this arena where the victim becomes the culprit. Yes, I told someone a few years later, and it turned out more ugly for me than for the molester.
One thing that my experience did for me was that it taught me how some men think, and I was very careful after that to take precautions, to be careful with what I wore, how I acted and where I went. I took responsibility for myself, my character and my safety.
It is never ok, it is never right for sexual assault or rape to happen to someone. And if it can be proved or corroborated, the molester should pay.
However, responsibility is the most important factor in all of this.
What our children should know:
Women should take responsibility for themselves and quit being the victim for the rest of their lives. Women do have a choice. They do not have to let themselves be manipulated to have sex with someone to further their career. No job should mean so much to you that you would sell out yourself. Therefore, I do not believe in the MeToo movement.
We can, with great predictability, be aware of those places where sexual assault is more likely to happen and avoid those places. We do not have to frequent places where people drink and forget their values and their character. We can show some wisdom about what time we are out at night, when it is safe to be alone, and when it is not.
We cannot control all circumstances, but we can do our best to control those things that are within our power to control.
I have two daughters, and two sons. I have seen the world through my daughters’ eyes, but I have also seen the world through my sons’ eyes. Men are not always evil, and women are not always innocent. Both should be cautious of each other. It has become a world where neither sex can trust the other.
Men must find it necessary to protect themselves the same way women should protect themselves, because sometimes women are evil and men are innocent.
As I said, I was molested as a child. The molestation was worse then some and not as intrusive and traumatic as others’ but it was a betrayal, hurtful and damaging. I could say that it ruined the rest of my life as far as my ability to make good decisions in relationships and the way I felt about myself.
I should have and wish I would have been able to talk to someone when I was a child. It may have offset the side effects that occurred. It may even have protected other girls. I do not know. But, if I was in Dr. Ford’s place, I would definitely not have come forward. Here’s why:
Now this is a gynocentric country and that would have encouraged me to come forward, knowing that the probability was great that I would be supported by a large fraction of society that played to the base of the Democratic left who blindly support women who accuse men of sexual assault and blindly side with the women against men in divorces and in many other situations. They do not care about the rule of law or due process, or being innocent until proven guilty. They are great experts at manipulation and inflammatory language. They are great experts at denying the truth even in the face of it. However, I would have realized that there are things at stake that are much more important than whether or not my grievance was addressed.
The alleged incident with Dr. Ford took place when she and the accused were teenagers. If it was Kavanaugh, apparently he did not rape her and may not have even touched her privates. I am not questioning whether or not some incident took place. I do question that it was Judge Kavanaugh. If they were drunk, how can any alleged incident not be questioned? In a situation where drink rids one of inhibitions and control, can blurry minds or the recall be trusted?
In my case, the molester was not another child. In my mind, that makes what happened to me definitely more potent and criminal. In Dr. Ford’s case, both were children. That does not make it right, but it does bring a different perspective.
I would have looked at Judge Kavanaugh’s entire life. In my case, I should have told, because there were other girls at risk for molestation. In her case, however, based on the lack of evidence, the severity level of the allegation and the honorable reputation of Judge Kavanaugh since the alleged incident, Dr. Ford should not have come forward.
Judge Kavanaugh’s testimony was corroborated by at least 65 women who stood up for him, ready to testify to his integrity. The women who have worked closely with him for years have nothing but positive comments about his character. A person who had done what the allegations stated, would likely have continued to violate and disrespect women in some fashion. I remember when I was questioned about an incident at work that I could not remember. The question was given, “Would you have normally applied these measures given the scenario?” In other words, would my integrity, character, and work ethic have dictated my actions, even if I did not remember the situation? This same question could have been asked to Judge Kavanaugh. So the possibility of the alleged incident is extremely questionable given the principles that have guided his actions and character of his life since then.
If, in the unlikely scenario, he did do what the allegations stated, he was 17, she was 15. He did not rape her. He likely did not touch her private areas. She felt threatened. She was scared. But how far did he really go? I am not justifying him. If indeed he did even that much, it was not right.
However, if she would have considered what was at stake if she were to come forward with an uncorroborated blurry story of mild assault, threat and fear from a 17 year old boy, would she have thought herself to be justified in doing so? If it was Kavanaugh, he obviously did not carry on the same behavior displayed at 17 by one uncorroborated incident. His reputation going forward was one of honor, excellent character, high respect for women and integrity. He is married and has 2 young daughters. His excellent reputation has been corroborated. This does not seem consistent with someone who would have committed the alleged behavior. But if he did, he has redeemed his life against any such improprieties. And is it worth destroying his family and his honor? Is it worth humiliating him before the whole world? He is obviously not a sexual threat to anyone. Come on, Dr. Ford. You claim to be a psychologist.
I would also have questioned the motives of those pushing me to go public. Dr. Ford is supposed to be smart. Why did she not question their motives? Diane Feinstein held the letter for weeks. She did not immediately act on Ford’s behalf. Feinstein pressured her to go public when Ford wanted confidentiality. She waited till the 11th hour to use it to her advantage instead of Christine’s. Lindsey Graham is right. Dr. Ford is as much a victim of the Democrat party as is Judge Kavanaugh. Did she really think they cared about her as a person and not as a tool to use in a political game?
Speaking of consistent behavior, did anyone question Dr. Ford’s character, her past, her references, her behavior and so forth? Has she brought allegations before? Has she shown instability and unreliability? How much does she drink? Does she do drugs? How is her reputation? What are her motives? What were her motives for even going to the party? As I said before, women are not always innocent. I used to know a woman who actively tried to be raped by putting herself in sketchy environments, because she wanted to be pregnant. There are all kinds of people in the world, with all kinds of motives.
Then there is the matter of the Clintons, their sexual scandals, their silencing of the women accusers, the rumors of the murders associated with their name. This a former President of the United States and First Lady! The highest office in the land! And Bill Clinton was allowed to continue in office with his wife covering for him and threatening the women accusers. There could be nothing more despicable and nothing more potent that could expose the hypocrisy of the Democrats than this! Compared to Bill and Hillary Clinton, Judge Kavanaugh is an angel, even if he is guilty of the alleged behavior.
Additionally, their “Believe all women” mantra is the height of hypocrisy. They don’t really believe all women. They did not believe any of the Clinton accusers. They do not believe the 65 women who came out in support of Judge Kavanaugh. They do not believe his friends and coworkers. Qualified, the statement should read, “Believe all liberal, Democratic women who can be used to further the cause of the left no matter how uncreditable they are.
I am not a Democrat, but I am embarrassed and ashamed of their behavior as fellow Americans who should stand for what is right.
I am afraid for my sons, who have to live in a gynocentric society and have to deal with the fear of being falsely accused with the possibility of losing their reputation and their jobs.
And I hope I have raised my daughters with enough integrity that they will never use a false accusation against a man for revenge, or to further their agenda.
I hope I have raised my sons to be honorable, to respect women and all human beings and to never violate another human being in any fashion.
Finally, from what I have observed from the Kavanaugh hearing, the virtue of compassion has been lost. There has been no compassion shown to the Kavanaugh family from the Democrats, from the media, from the left or from Dr. Ford. And there has been only fake compassion shown to Dr. Ford.
If I were Judge Kavanaugh, I would want to step down as candidate. But I hope he will not. His greater purpose should be to show his children and others what it means to stand for the truth. Keep shining through all of this, Judge Kavanaugh! We are counting on you!