I Lost My Way

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I lost my way on the day the world turned upside down.

Neatly stacked and categorized, all was safe and sound.

Until the day my heart was broken, and all I thought I knew

Seemed not to matter anymore, and was it ever true?

This final thing betrayed myself and I crumbled in the dust

And if the truth was not,  where was the truth I could trust?

So God doesn’t work the way I thought, so maybe I got it all wrong

I had done my best to follow His lead, to listen to His Song

Then the thing I thought would never be, drove a sword into my heart

It turned my world upside down and tore my mind apart.

The foundation from which choices came was no longer there

The choices came from a paradigm created from doubt and fear.

And since my heart deceived itself,  it drew the darkness in

And since no true light could be found, all that remained was sin.

Instead of God, I led the way and thought that it was right

Deception locked me in a pit  and took away my sight.

Because things did not turn out like I thought they should I fell

Into the depths of misery, into the depths of hell

But even through the darkness, a ray of light shone through

For God dwells in the darkness and His faithfulness is true.

He slowly led me to the light and made my vision clear

I saw that Jesus had not changed. It was me, I said, through tears

How much of it was anger?  How much a spineless fit?

Or was it that my view of God had to crumble bit by bit?

In His likeness I was made. He was not made in mine.

He was not the God I thought I knew, not the God by my design

But the God of love came after me.  I was not left alone.

Faithful and true, He had not changed.  Forever I am His own.

Right was right and wrong was wrong.  His Word was always true.

And behind all this His love reached down and again He made me new.

Life is still broken, but I have hope. Because He lives, I live.

I know He loves the ones I love.  He is good and He’ll forgive.

Like a good Father, He will run to them and lift their face to His

He will clasp them in His warm embrace and give them a holy kiss.

This is my hope, this is my prayer, that my child will hear His call.

That she will heed the Sweetest Voice, give her life, her soul, her all.










Father Timothy said he will interested in my thoughts about Lent.  The saturation and poetry of the scripture readings went straight to my soul where they steeped in the deep waters of my being.  I had never experienced Easter in that way before.  It was a journey with Christ from Lazarus  to the Resurrection in Holy Week.  I loved it!

An act of love I will also never forget was that of Nadine sharing her umbrella with me, holding it more over my head than hers so that she got rained on and I did not.  I felt so bad, but she insisted.  I was unworthy of such an act and so receiving that gift was extremely difficult.

The fast itself was difficult at times as well.  Part of it was that I still have yet to grasp the significance of it.  I am willing to learn.

My favorite part of Holy Week was the Friday service where the Lamentations were read.  You know that author who actually puts into words the thoughts in your mind?  This is Lamentations for me.  It is full of the echos of my soul.  I absolutely loved it!  It included Lamentations in the Bible but also had the journey of Christ to the Cross, to Hades to the Resurrection in beautiful language.

There was something special about the Lazarus story that struck my soul. Jesus called to Lazarus  after he was in the grave for 4 days.  Lazarus was indeed dead. No doubt about it.  When they removed the stone, the smell of rotting flesh must have escaped the tomb. There were people standing outside the tomb, as the icon depicts, with their hands over their nose, not in wonder, but because of the smell.  That is reality.

But what strikes me is that Lazarus had nothing to do with Jesus calling His name.  He did not ask for that to happen.  He was helpless to respond. He was dead. He did not want to respond, but neither could he refuse to respond.  He was dead.

The same principle is shown in the story about the 4 friends who let down their sick friend through the roof to the room where Jesus  was.  The story says nothing about the sick man’s desires, condition or status.  It says nothing about his morals or his righteousness.  What it does talk about is the concern and action of his 4 friends.

There is hope, therefore, for the one who has strayed from following Jesus, and cannot even see that they are dead in their sins.  They may be blind in the darkness in which they are walking and may not even have a desire to change.  Worse, they may have deceived themselves and really believe that God would have them happy in the lifestyle they have chosen.

The hope is that the prayers and faith of the ones who love them may be effectual and may avail much.  God may have mercy, give sight to the blind and cause their spiritual awakening and salvation.  This is the hope for every parent who grieves over a lost child. The hope for every lost or wayward soul who is loved by one who knows God.

What My Eyes See

What I see in the would of me.

My heart is broken.  I am not free.

Wounds unhealed hurt every day.

Darkness near, can’t find my way.

Tomorrow  clouded by regrets of the past.

Clouded vision. Mistakes that last.

How can eyes with a broken heart

See the light and not the dark.


My only hope is in You, Lord.

Every day I search Your Word.

In Your arms  I will be

As I trust what Your eyes see.

For what my eyes see is not what You see

You see a hope, You see a love

You see a plan, You see above

Every darkened sky, every broken dream

Every sin and pain, You redeem!

You make a way for me

For what my eyes see is not what You see.





My Morning Mantra

Thank you, Lord, that You are in control, that You work all things after the counsel of Your own will.

Thank you, Lord, that you do everything right on time, that my times are in Your hands.

Thank you, Lord, that You are faithful, the same yesterday, today, and forever, that You are the Rock that I stand on, the Song that I sing, my strong Habitation whereunto I continually resort.

Thank you, Lord, that You are my helper, that my help comes from the Lord which made heaven and earth, that You will not suffer my foot to be moved. You who keeps me will not slumber, You that keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is my Keeper, the Lord is my Shade upon my right hand.  The sun shall not smite me by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord shall preserve me from all evil.  He shall preserve my soul.  The Lord shall preserve my going out and my coming in from this time forth and even forevermore.

Thank you, Lord, that You are good, that Your mercy is everlasting, that your truth endures to all generations.

Thank you, Lord, that You love me with an everlasting love, that You command your lovingkindness in the daytime and in the night Your song will be with me, and my prayer unto the God of my life.

Thank you, Lord, that You are my life.  You said that if I believe in you, out of my belly shall flow rivers of living water.

For in You I live, in You I move, and in You I have my being!

…taken  from the Holy Bible

Reciting this every morning for years on my way to work has helped me start the day with the right perspective and has enabled me to leave the day in His hands no matter what happens.

Through You I Was Loved

How did you know I was hurting, that I’d come to the end of my strength?

You know we’d not even spoken, yet you prayed for me at length.

I thought I had covered it well, though my tears I could hardly hold back.

How strange that you felt my need and sensed I was under attack.

I thought the whole world had forgotten me, my friends and loved ones too.

Then I felt the strength returning when God showed me He loved me through you.

My despair made Him seem far away; I had needed someone  to care.

But tonight again God loved me, when you mentioned my name in prayer.

Carol Vaughn